a series of unfortunate events. haha. okay maybe i should think of everything as fortunate.
on a fine friday night, we celebrated dawn and jen's birthday at cuscaden then chips. where everyone was freaking high and maybe some drunk and whatnot. whereas i was perfectly fine and dandy cos i went to the toilet to puke everything out. haha. my mom called, screamed, and i rushed home in a cab. afterwhich i waited till she slept and then i snuck out and went to momo for god knows what reason, where i received the shit which i long deserved, i was then left in tears, my right eye contact missing, and a blasting headache with a jerky cabride home.
i should have seen everything coming. and it's just hard for me to handle everything which is going on right now. what an experience. a night added to my collection of fucked up bad memories, where i learn and move on.
i'm so messed up now, i feel sorry for myself, i pity and sympathise with myself. hahaa. i cry before i sleep, i find myself in tears when i wake up, and i find myself taking extra long baths now where the water droplets flowing down my face aint coming from the shower hose only. i moodswing all day long, and snap at my parents and my sister. i dont even want to think about anything anymore. cos it's so fucking tiring.
basically, i've given up. on so called "love", "attraction" and "niceness".
talk about feeling stupid. ive embarrassed myself enough, really. and after so many months, im slowly beginning to think that some people are just not worth it.
i'm too naive and gullible for my own good. i'll treat everything as a good wake up call. even though everything has dampened my spirits. left me feeling miserable and pathetic, and brought my self esteem to an absolute zero.
" i told you sooo...."
"see la, dont believe us.."
"tell you so many times..."
haha. i'm pathetic.
anw on a brighter note, it was my mom's birthday celebration yest. she's turned 50. we went for dinner at ritz carlton and it was wonderful.
pictures will all be up soon.
i need to feel hatred, to forget and to move on.